Dealing With Difficult People
Dealing with difficult people at work: one of the trickiest things we have to do in our professional lives.
Even if we have 20 colleagues who we get on well with, if there is ONE who we find difficult then they can take up so much of our thinking, our time and our emotional energy.
There isn’t one single fix that would suit every situation, because this person is unique, and so is your own experience of them. That said, there is one big piece of advice I would give to anyone who is struggling with a difficult colleague:
❗️🔴 Don’t waste your time trying to understand WHY this person is being the way they are 🔴❗️
You can easily go around and around in circles trying to understand their personality and behaviour, but the reality is that you won’t ever know exactly why they do what they do or say what they say.
If it is an isolated incident, then yes, this can be dealt with in a different way. But if it is them as a PERSON you are finding difficult, then it is a waste of your time trying to analyse their character or behaviour. The important thing is YOUR reaction to them.
➡️ How do YOU experience them?
➡️ What impact do they have on YOU?
➡️ How do YOU behave in response to them?
➡️ How do YOU communicate with them?
➡️ Do they remind you in some way of OTHER PEOPLE you have had difficulties with in the past?
Perhaps there are different approaches YOU can take in how you work with them. Perhaps you need to speak with them to address the problem - but what initial steps can you take, or gestures can you make, to show that you want to engage with them in a productive, positive way?
Focus on what YOU can control.
Steve Twinley is a BACP-registered Psychodynamic Counsellor who worked previously for over 17 years in the pressurised world of recruitment, and managed a leading international life science recruitment agency. Steve Twinley formed Purpose Mentoring in November 2023 and now works full-time as a Therapist, providing online counselling and mentoring to people in stressful jobs. If you are trying your best to manage the pressures of work alongside different personal challenges at home, perhaps it could help you to have a safe, confidential space, away from colleagues, family and friends, where you can talk through different things you are facing, as well as moving forward from difficult times in your past. You can learn more about Purpose Mentoring sessions here and can engage with Steve Twinley either at steve.twinley@purposementoring.com or on his LinkedIn profile here.
